I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
