i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
being pregnant is like rehab
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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