It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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