I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize