You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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