3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
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