You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
