you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
