OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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