clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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