he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
