Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize
