We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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