Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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