I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
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