just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
