what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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