Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize