my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
