All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
