the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
