im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
