Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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