dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
