Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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