sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
