if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
