eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
