how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
