Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
