Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
