i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
