I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
