Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
