I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize