its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
