I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
not ubering you a puppy
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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