Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
