Your face is a jimmy john
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
