she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
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