we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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