It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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