Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
