It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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