I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
