My nipple is on Facebook.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
