Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize