you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
