So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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