I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
