My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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