If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
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