Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
