Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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