I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
