fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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