even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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