I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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