this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
