Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
