I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
