I'm jealous of your bromance
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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