thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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