I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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