Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
