Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
