During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
