So drunk its hurt
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
