I just cut my nipple shaving
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
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I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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