If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
