i think my mom watched the whole time
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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