I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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